the news i was dreading

Today, Yesterday, and Last night have been especially hard times for me where I have struggled to stay present, have struggled to control my suicidal feelings, and thinking.

I thought it was a fault of the medication I was on as my mood was dipping after taking my Epilim medication especially in the evening, but when I saw another psychiatrist today for a second opinion she said its very unusual for medications to do that, and its a mood stabiliser. She said its more likely that its you and your condition being Borderline and just something you have to endure with the help of DbT strategies and the mental health service which is now Tahika.


It was very hard to hear from her that I was definitely a diagnosis of Borderline Personality disorder. I hoped she would say I was something else, but in fact its a dual diagnosis of Bipolar 2, Ptsd, Depression, and Borderline Personality disorder.

I walked away from that appointment crying. Yes I was hoping in my heart to not be the stigmatising illness that she said I was.

So tonight I'm left again in a position where I need to get through my own psychological hell.

I would say things have been improving with getting the job and everything so during the day things are better but night times are still very hard.

also I forgot to take a pill the other day and even though I took it yesterday as well as my normal meds Ive been left in quite a desperate state which I am trying to control.


anyway I don't feel much like talking so gonna go now.