seeing myself from another view

Learning to accept the choices i have made the path my life has followed yes I am not quite there where i can forgive myself but I am contemplating it.

I am working hard on building and maintaining a spiritual focus, its the one thing thats actually made sense to me, and my love for my god is more than the love for myself.

Since my self inflicted suicide attempt into a power pole I have realised in a way that god wants to keep me around for some purpose, not really sure what it is but I know he didn't want to let me go.. By rights I should of died that day but my car bore the brunt of the electrocution.

So here I am trying to improve life for myself and my mood has been lifting since reduced medication.

I am pushing myself forward its not easy to get to the meetings and do all the personal study but its better than just dwelling on my own sad state of affairs.

 A job opportunity has come up that I start this week, and its the first time I've been excited about something, training on Tuesday and start Saturday.

Im trying to see the world from others points of view, and myself and my situation from the position of god, and others. Others see a lot of potential in me. Im trying to see that, definitely not easy when you suffer with depression and other problems.

Sometimes you hear something though, today I heard a talk that just made me cry, it was about how god loves you and sees you despite your depression and your anxious or imperfect feelings about yourself, the negative view I hold is not gods view of me, thats a comfort.

some people say church is just a crutch. But i know that my life revolves around my religion and my beliefs, and they are my beliefs I have not been brainwashed or anything the beliefs are based on facts and prophecies that have been fulfilled.

Hearing about bible characters is really encouraging as they were suffering with their own negative thoughts but were helped to see past their issues.

the journey i need to take is to let go of the excess baggage that I have carried around,

I don't want to carry that anymore, I don't want to have resentment or animosity

negative energy produces negative results

but if you put positive energy out there people respond, you make friends and you encourage positive things to come your way.
definately the better way to go