Not adequate mental health services

I'm am writing this because I have had a hell of a week and very little support from The Mental health team in the Wairarapa.

On Tuesday severely suicidal ended up calling ambulance and going up to ed as I bussed home and couldn't walk from the bus stop to home due to acute suicidal. I saw Catt team who thought it may be my medications making me feel this way. It was decided that I would see my doctor In the morning at my medical practice.

Wednesday went to see doctor at medical practice, he sees that I'm acutely sucidal and sends me up to mental health at the hospital. I also have a support person present. My doctor speaks of the need for crisis care as he could see similaritys between present condition and when I had my MVA in September.

I go up to mental health with the Letter from my doctor and support person to advocate for me but am told there are no crisis respite beds available and that I have to go home.

I then see psychiatrist who works out schedule to take me off my epilim medication within 7 days.
Still crisis respite is not an option.

I then go round to pathways to see about beds available but this is a dead end, and lack of facilities, also the Catt team organise acute respite not pathways, also staff are away for the long weekend.

Whilst there I ring the mp Alister but get his receptionist instead whom tells me will look into whether there's beds in Wellington. She later rings me back and says no and it's up to the Wairarapa whether you are put in a bed.

We leave there and go to the police station to get a papertrail sorted. As this whole time my thoughts are laying on the train tracks and killing myself.
Police decide to take me up to Catt team but psychologist is at lunch so am told she will call me I never recieve a phone call.

Then we go to supporting families but this is a dead end as well.

Then we pick up my medication and I am dropped home

That evening I am found on the railway tracks by police and escorted to emergency department where Catt team see me and tell me to go home and use strategies.
I stay in hospital till 7 am and then are told to leave the Emergency department.

I then walk up to the train station in masterton, but its pouring down with rain so I see a river and seriously consider falling in and drowning.
then I am picked up by police and driven to mental health services where the psychologist speaks to the police and says that my doctor said i wasn't acute for crisis respite. I am then taken home.

I follow up with my medical centre and nurse to find out if what the psychologist said is correct. I am told no the doctor is very concerned about you and your acutely suicidal he has been pushing for respite and hospitalisation. So it turns out that my psychologist lied.

I am also told by police on way home to only contact the Tehika line as its a mental health issue.

Mike king is concerned about my welfare and calls Police on my behalf they turn up and reassign it to the ambulance service for a medical assessment. Ambulance pick me up and takes me to Emergency Department for the second time in the week.
I am then seen by the Catt team once again and told to use strategies at home and go to bed. I am once again reminded that there are no crisis beds available.
I am given a taxi chit and sent on my way home.

Manama Fox From the Maori Party gets involved through an online friend. She rings me and comes round and spends all afternoon with me on Friday, she calls Te hika and asks catt team to call back urgently pls as the person is seriously suicidal.  We do not hear from the Catt team and after 5 hours Marama decides to take me to Emergency department again where I am seen by the Catt team. This time they say to her that they will have follow up conversation on phone and face to face tomorrow. Once again i am told there are no crisis beds available, and even if they were avail its not clinically effective for borderline patients to be put in hospital or respite.

That night Marama Fox takes me home to my house down the road from the railway tracks.

Sadly the trains are not running in the weekend and buses replaced them so its been hard to act on this suicide plan.

The trains are back to running on 1st April,

then the rest of the weekend i am in contact with Tehika, and Sunday Night I am given the contact of Tautoku which is a suicide line to call as very much at risk. Considered taking a large overdose.

Im lucky I have supportive online friends they have been there for me when mental health have failed.

Monday comes and  I'm down to 1 tablet of Epillim and ring Tehika and take medication to sleep, same with tuesday night, after trying to fight through work whilst being highly suicidal.

Today is Wednesday and I am off the epillim medication now and still feeling awful.

I went and saw my pharmacist to pick up my week medication and he said that its very dangerous withdrawing from epilim so quickly and he's not surprised that i am agitated and suicidal.
I went from 1000mg and 5 tablets a day to 400 and 2 tablets a day and then to 200mg 1 tablet a day and then off. Within 7 days.

I ring Psychologist and tell her the withdrawal is affecting me in a negative way,  she says just persevere it takes a while to settle in your system.
and can't get the medication sorted until see psychiatrist and once again she tells me there are no crisis beds all full.

I am sent home another dead end.

Altogether i have had 4 presentations at Emergency Department. 2 by Ambulance, one by police escort, and Mike king and Marama, Fox pushing for help.
I have had 4 suicide attempts this week.

What my psychiatrist has done in the way of withdrawing this drug I believe is dangerous. I had been on it for a very long time, and to have it withdrawn so quickly really has affected me for the negative. Should of been withdrawn slower, to avoid this.


Is this what our crisis services should look like?

Wheres the emergency care when someone is at risk?


why are borderline personality disorder patients treated differently?


whats it going to take to change this health system,?