confused brain

Well yesterday I reported to police the domestic violence that was going on, and of course they had to take a report on both sides of the story meaning that they spoke to my father who became very irate at me and went off about how dare I report them to the police!

They came from the side of we are just being concerned parents and have a very unwell daughter.

Dad said to me I was the horrible one here, and I am horrible because of my illness, it changes me.

I dont know what to believe

I just left my home in tears crying as I went for a walk.

Am I really the fucked up person here!!!!

I do not know.

People around me online friends are saying trust your gut the control factor is not right, and them keeping track of you 24/7 is not normal for a 33 year old.

See my parents see me as a girl with an illness that makes me very unpredictable

I do not know though how likely I am to have this illness they speak of or whether its all just COMPLEX POST TRAUMATIC STRESS.

Last night listened to the nutters club where it had a lady who had escaped a domestic violence situation where she was being controlled. Unfortunately I fell asleep during this otherwise I would of rang up and asked some questions. I will have to review the interview in my own time.

I also found myself watching Target Zero - put on by The Key to Life Charitable Trust.
There whole reason is to stop suicide from occurring, and yet that's what I want more than ever to happen to me.

How Fucked up does a person have to get to want to die rather than live.

I dont view myself as a victim but I dont see a way out of this turmoil I experience on a regular basis. My home environment, my so called illness, I dont know what way is up and what way is down anymore and its confusing for my brain and for my heart.

All I know is I have never experienced love like I have now for Lino.