In the darkness

Well online friends keep telling me I must not give up on life, I must just hang in there..

I have to say the pain is excruciating, unlike anything I could ever compare to.

I not only am going through the usual ups and downs but with a heavy cloud of depression on top

Its so so difficult to stay strong and hang in there.

Thoughts of Suicide and Methods are very very prevalent in my brain.

I cannot even see Hope! people are having to remind me because I cannot see a way out of this darkness i am having to experience.

I feel like i am an enormous burden, and I am having to tell myself that its my mind telling me untruths, that the truth is that others would be so sad if I was not around anymore.
Its hard to tell yourself these things and not believe them.
Its like you are telling yourself the lie.

To be in such darkness and not suicide is the hardest thing that I think you have to cope with. I can see why so many end their lives. That darkness tells you things that you slowly begin to believe.
You do not know the truth from the lie. That is where I am at the moment I do not know who is telling the truth and who is lying to me.

I know I want to cause others pain because of things that have happened, I am in so much emotional pain myself and that I feel that I am the source of the pain myself and need to be disposed of.

The particular friends I have are having to repeat to me that I am valuable because I am so not seeing this is the case.

Its so difficult i have been in holes before but to not see any light at the end of the tunnel and for the darkness to be that prevalent. For me to seriously be considering ending it all as basically that its better for everyone around me, yes there are no words.


Emotionally I am shot, I am drained and tired, by experiences and living everyday with mental illness and psychological abuse, basically something needs to give.

my story will be ending shortly